I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
