So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize