We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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