yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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