don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize