I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize