i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
