Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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