yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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