We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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