I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
