So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
