Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
