Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize