a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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