dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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