"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
