she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
