Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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