I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
