I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
