You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
