How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
