dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
