i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
