i think my tv is drunk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
