I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize