if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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