My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
