If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
