Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
