lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
