Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just found a bag of teeth...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
