my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
