Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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