Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Too much gin, very little bucket
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
