Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
