Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
