I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
