if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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