You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
