YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
