Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
