Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
