these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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