You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
