4 words: hood of his car
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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