here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
