I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
