you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
