it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize