Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
