I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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