I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
