And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
