She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
