I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
