called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
