Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
