ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
