so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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