I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
