I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize