To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it glows. i had to have it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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