Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
