I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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